When I met my husband-to-be, he was a practicing alcoholic who had been in and out of treatment centers and Alcoholics Anonymous several times.  Once we became a couple, it didn't take long before I realized that he had a serious drinking problem.      At the time I thought, "He obviously can't take proper care of himself, so it's up to me to help him out.  Right?"  I actually believed that my enabling behavior was helping him, and I felt compelled to help him because I loved him.  As I became more and more obsessed with trying to fix the alcoholic's problems, I also began to feel that I no longer had any choices.  Because of this, I made some rash, foolish decisions that weren't good for him, my family, or myself.      Looking back on that time period, now that I have several years of Al-Anon under my belt, I find it hard to believe how a reasonably intelligent, sensible person such as I could have been so irrational and irresponsible!  After all, those were the very words I had used to describe the alcoholic--so I was more like him than I wanted to admit.      At least I understand now that I did have choices during those days of active alcoholism.  Either I could not see the other options at that time, or I simply wasn't willing to consider the alternatives.  I believed I had no choice but to take the actions that I did.      Over the years, I have learned how to detach from the behavior of my now sober, alcoholic husband.  I choose not to take on responsibilities that are rightly his.  I don't claim that I always make the right decision, but I use my Al-Anon program to evaluate all the alternatives and to make the best decisions I can.  As it says at the end of our Detachment leaflet (S-19), now I can look at my situations "realistically and objectively, thereby making intelligent decisions possible."  Today I am so grateful to know that I do indeed have choices!

The Al-Anon/Alateen hotline phone rang at 1:30 a.m.  I answered, "Good morning, Al-Anon and Alateen."  A tiny little voice said, "Lady, I think I am going to die."  I asked,  "What is the problem?"  The tiny little voice said, "My mom and dad are passed out and drunk in the other room.  I can't stand it anymore."  She told me she was 12.  "How did you know to call this number?"  She replied, "I saw you on TV."  She had seen a public service announcement.  She continued, "And when I called that number they gave me your number."  Then she began to cry.      I felt helpless.  I could not take her for ice cream or to a meeting because of her age.  I could not contact her parents, school, or church because of anonymity.  My heart hurt!  I took a deep breath and silently asked for God's help.      I gave her several crisis numbers and suggested she tell her grandmother or an adult friend.  I told her to keep the number she used to reach me because somebody answers it 24 hours a day.  She said, "Thanks, lady.  I will tell someone."  She hung up.      I wanted to do more!  I felt so limited because of her age.  I didn't sleep the rest of the night.  I knew it was time to "Let Go and Let God."  I was better able to process my feelings after talking about it with my sponsor and with local and area Alateen sponsors.        I honestly believe I heard the "tiny little voice" at an Alateen function about six months later.  Hopefully, I will confirm this belief someday.