The Forum magazine articles - April 2005

The following articles from the April 2005 issue are reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al-Anon Family Group Hdqs., Inc., Virginia Beach, VA.   For more articles, check The Forum archive.
 

 

Several years ago I saw a neurologist for a back injury.  In addition to caring for my back, she always asked how I was doing.  One day I was feeling very low and knew I would cry when she asked me how I was, so I wrote my answer on a piece of paper—sad, worried, sleepless, and constantly crying.  I gave my doctor the note when I went to my appointment.  After she read it, she looked me right in the eye and said, “Oh my, either you are an alcoholic or someone you love very much is—and you’ve taken on all of his responsibilities.”      Wow!  It stunned me that the doctor could tell I loved someone who had a drinking problem.  She asked me if I attended Al-Anon.  I said I had never heard of it.  She told me her husband died from alcoholism.  She also said there was an Al-Anon meeting that night and she would meet me there if I wanted to go.  I didn’t want to, but since she cared that much about me I said I would meet her.      I didn’t want to go back after the first meeting I attended, but I promised myself I’d try six meetings.  By then I knew I belonged in Al-Anon.  I attended every meeting and service event that I could, and I soaked up everything.      It deeply affected me when my husband and sons drank.  My recovery hasn’t been easy.  Great things didn’t happen over night but it did get easier as I worked the Al-Anon program.  I learned how to let go of other people’s responsibilities.  I hate to think where I would be if my doctor hadn’t told me about Al-Anon.  I believe the program works because all the members have a common bond.  Al-Anon has saved many lives and I will be forever grateful that my caring doctor recommended it to me.

 

For most of my life the possibility of making bad decisions kept me from making any.  I was fearful someone might single me out as being unworthy, so I became used to feeling small and insignificant.  My goal was to be as invisible as possible, which allowed me to live in my head.      Life was perfect in my mind.  I said the right words, made good decisions, and didn’t worry about criticism.  I felt safe.  Well, at least I was safe from other people’s harsh words, but I couldn’t hide from my self-doubt and self-hatred.      My Sponsor suggested that I write about my fear, rage, and feelings of guilt.  That daily exercise helped me get past my feelings of low self-worth.  Then I could start each day with a clean slate.      Putting pen to paper meant I would no longer be perfect in my head, but it was a way to break through the fear that occupied my thoughts.  It became easier to write about myself and even became somewhat of a game I played with myself.  I’d say, “Bring it on,” and the self-hatred flowed out of me onto the page.  Some days I spent writing about good feelings—so by the time I finally worked on my Fourth Step, it wasn’t too scary.  Pen and paper were my allies.      It feels strange to live in a world where I make decisions rather than living in my head.  What if I make the wrong decision?  What if someone else doesn’t like it?  However, I know my Higher Power has always given me the strength to get through.  All I have to do is ask.

 

Years ago when my life seemed hopeless and miserable, a friend encouraged me to seek counseling.  Through my employer’s Employee Assistance Program, I connected with a counselor who understood the effects of alcoholism.  He did an excellent job—allowing me to unload my pain, grief, and unhappiness.  We talked about alcoholism and the common thread that ran through my family history and personal relationships.  I never realized how much other people’s drinking affected my life.  My counselor believed in Al-Anon wholeheartedly.  He urged me to attend meetings, but I was stubborn and afraid to go.  I didn’t want to create more tension in my family.      Hopeful that my priest would offer me another option, I started visiting with him.  However, he immediately suggested I attend Al-Anon.  So there I was, my priest and my counselor were encouraging me to attend Al-Anon.  I continued making excuses, but eventually went to my first meeting.  Al-Anon was just what I needed—laughter, encouragement, understanding, tools to take care of myself, and so much more.      I still keep in touch with the counselor, and he uses my name as a contact person.  I give him newcomer packets and copies of The Forum magazine for his clients.  Counseling was a great place for me to unload and start healing.  My priest has since passed away, but I believe he is encouraging me and watching over my journey.  He helped me with forgiveness and acceptance.  I am grateful to both professionals, but I also needed the sharing and support of people who understood my story.  I needed Al-Anon.  It has been a lifesaver for me.  I’m grateful for the caring, understanding, and encouragement that my counselor and priest gave me because I found Al-Anon and a happier, healthier way of life.