The following articles from the July 2009 issue are reprinted with permission of The Forum,
Al-Anon Family Group Hdqs., Inc., Virginia Beach, VA. For more articles, check The
Forum archive.
In Features (p. 1)
Skeptical loner finds support in Al-Anon
By Brian C., Canada
There are many roads to success in Al-Anon. All are interesting; none are the same. I believe that for everyone, the struggle can feel lonely and, at times, not worth the effort. It certainly felt that way for me, and many times I nearly quit.
It was only after I'd been going to Al-Anon for two years that I began to work the Steps with a Sponsor. Prior to this, I had attended meetings regularly and listened carefully.
Recognizing and identifying emotions did not come easily to me; I spent most of my life on academic and intellectual investigation—not on the truths of my emotional life. Al-Anon meetings—where I had to honestly assess and reveal anxieties and shortcomings to strangers—were excruciatingly difficult at times.
Overcoming my arrogance and developing authentic humility were even more difficult steps. In retrospect, two years do not seem all that long an apprenticeship to have served before being ready for a Sponsor and Steps.
I had to take real care getting a Sponsor. I took a good long time watching my Sponsor to assess whether she would respond positively and be good for me; I was lucky to succeed on both counts.
It's been about three and a half years now since I have regularly attended meetings—possibly the most exciting years of my life. Al-Anon, the kind of support I once sneered at, has become an essential and continuing source of renewal and healing for this writer—an agnostic, a skeptic, a loner—who now feels less doubtful, less alone, and more a part of an amazing group.
In Features (p. 3)
Al-Anon service brought her closer to her Higher Power
By Sharon C., Canada
I was consumed with fear. I had to humble myself and ask my daughter to ask her Alateen friend to ask her Al-Anon mother to call me. My new friend picked me up and took me to my first Al-Anon meeting.
I could hardly articulate my own name at those first meetings. I found my voice after about 18 months of continuous attendance. I could only share briefly with the other members, but I was proud when I could do that. As my confidence increased, I was able to chair meetings.
I was encouraged to take on service roles in my home group. Ultimately, I agreed to chair our local Intergroup. This confidence affected my work life as well, and I learned to enjoy chairing selection panels in my role as a human resources technician.
Sometime in this process I learned that my Higher Power, whom I chose to call God, would be with me always and would calm my mind, lead me in the right direction, and give me the necessary words to speak. My job was to ask for guidance. Life has become more peaceful and serene as I remember that this is all I need to do.
Today, I am now involved as a coordinator at the Assembly level. I have finally been able to share my story at both A.A. and Al-Anon functions—a huge leap of faith for me.
Service work has given me the opportunity to learn that God can be trusted always. I absolutely believe that this comes as a result of my many years of being a trusted servant in our wonderful program, always allowing God to be my guide.
In Features (pp. 11-13)
After dark days, she found hope
By Robin S., Iowa
T...I had nothing to lose.
I went under the assumption that I'd learn how to fix my husband; then we'd be on our merry way to wedded bliss. I was surprised to learn that this program was for me. What was the point, if not to get him sober? Still I went, assuming that my husband would see what I was doing and join Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.).
I remember hearing one woman say that she was grateful for her alcoholic husband. What was wrong with her? I couldn't possibly imagine ever being grateful for mine.
Now I not only understand, but I, too, am grateful for my alcoholic husband. Were it not for him and the horrible drinking years, I would not have the wonderful life and friends I have today. I have a much deeper relationship with God. I have grown so much because of the hardships I faced.
While in Al-Anon, I learned that my husband not only drank, but he was addicted to methamphetamines. I had no idea he was using. I tried to fix him and to micromanage his life. I would call around looking for him. Once, I found out he was at a motel, so I pulled my children out of bed and went to get him. We couldn't find him, so we drove back home in tears.
I would lie awake in bed at night with my stomach in knots and cry myself to sleep wondering why God would let something like this happen to me. I didn't deserve this. What good could possibly come from this?
One night I was talking to my Sponsor after an exceptionally bad fight with my husband. She said to me, "I think it's time you turned your husband over to God and quit trying to make him change. He may never change." That's when I got down on my knees and asked God to take care of my husband. I detached with love; I finally "Let Go and Let God."
I slept well that night; I didn't wake up once with worry. I felt refreshed in the morning. It was a wonderful feeling.
Not long after that, things spiraled out of control. My husband came home after having been gone for a few days. The situation got out of hand, and I had to call the police. My children were frightened. I was forced to get a restraining order against him. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do.
Just days later, my husband went into an inpatient treatment program. I had to go on welfare and be a single mom for a time. It wasn't something I'd ever imagined I'd do, but with Al-Anon I got through it. I had many friends to support me along the way.
It's been more than three years now, and my husband is still sober and very active in his program. Life with sobriety is not the bed of roses I thought it would be, but it's a whole lot better than what it was.
I am still working through my Steps, and I'm so thankful for my Al-Anon meetings and my Sponsor. If it weren't for Al-Anon, I don't know how I would've gotten through that horrible time of my life.