The following articles from the January 2010 issue are reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al-Anon Family Group Hdqs., Inc., Virginia Beach, VA. For more articles, check The Forum archive.
In Features (pp. 10-11)
Al-Anon helped ease a mother's worry and guilt
By Paulette A., Alberta, Canada
As a mother, you always want the best for your children. When I found out that my daughter was drinking, I became really worried. Friends and family members would call me and tell me things she had done or was doing. I never saw her drinking to the extent that everyone had said until I saw her drunk at a wedding.
I tried talking to my daughter over and over again, but nothing changed. In fact, the problem was getting worse. She became very distance with us. She hardly ever called or visited. I felt so guilty. What did I do to cause this? Where did I go wrong?
My health was deteriorating. I was always tired, had sleepless nights, and worried about her 24 hours a day. Every time the phone rang, my heart would stop. I feared it was the police calling saying that she had gotten into an accident, or that hey had found her body somewhere in the field--dead. I just couldn't think straight anymore.
One night when I was laying in bed, I asked God, "Please watch over my daughter for just this one night so I can get a decent night's sleep." I remember waking up the next morning feeling so rested and realized that God had answered my prayers. I was so grateful. I then told Him that I could take my daughter back now for the day.
I realized that I needed professional help so I could help myself and my daughter. Finally, I called my doctor and she referred me to a psychiatrist who, in turn, referred me to Al-Anon Family Groups.
At my first meeting, I was very nervous not knowing what to expect. I was just hoping that I would get some answers. I soon realized that I wasn't alone, that there were other mothers who were going through the same thing. I felt a sense of relief, like 100 tonns were taken off my back.
During the first meeting, I saw a poster that read: "I didn't cause it; I can't control it, and I can't cure it." I knew right there and then that was guidance from God for me to read. After reading it a few times, it really made sense to me and I didn't feel as guilty as before. I loved that meeting; listening to the others, and sharing really helped. I now look forward to weekly meetings. I'm so grateful for this Al-Anon program.
In Features (pp. 24-25)
Focusing on the good, leaving the past behind
By Killian T.
My life was a chaotic mess. I went to my first Al-Anon meeting thinking that I was going to learn everything I needed to know to fix the alcoholic in a few easy steps. The last thing I wanted to hear was that I had a problem. Little did I know that a year later I would arrive at that same meeting a different, better person.
I realized I had a mental obsession and it was imperative that I learn a whole new way of thinking. To this end I needed to get a Sponsor, work the Twelves Steps of Al-Anon, go to meetings, and participate in service work.
It may sound daunting and hard but it was the only way, for me, to find relief and serenity. I heard someone say in a meeting that in Al-Anon we focus on the good in our lives. The good that came to me was through that spiritual awakening I had after workign the Twelve Steps, and then seriously looking at my life with that new set of courageous eyes.
Al-Anon has taught me how to focus on the good every day in order to move forward and keep that connection with my Higher Power. I do that by taking care of myself, disengaging from fantasy thinking, and focusing on solutions and possibilities. Working through the process of this program I found a way to live with my life--my past, my family, my experiences.
I focus on the positive and move forward by accepting that what I am experiencing is party of my journey, and a lesson I need to learn. I remind myself often that responsiblity is the ability to choose how to respond to people, situations, and my own feelings. If I choose not to think, I find myself reacting, being impulsive, and not taking care of myself. If I always do what I have always done, I'll always get what I always got.
Reading Conference Approved Literature, journaling, or picking up the phone to talk to an Al-Anon friend, takes me out of myself and reminds me that there are others out there with far worse problems than mine. This new perspective gives me hope, joy, the courage to change, and the freedom to choose what the changes are.
I'm proud to say that now I'm workign to be someone I genuinely admire, respect, encourage, and love. Now, I can live going forward, not looking back.